I went back to the village at the end of my stay in Mali to say good bye to my family and friends in the village. There is something shocking about being in the village which I especially tried to pay attention to this time.

The shock is the slow pace
The shock is the change of diet.
The shock is the gnawing illness- colds, flu, coughs of malnutrition

After 1 day, I have a headache
The shock is the neediness within all this self sufficiency
within the ability that I will never have,
to know how to survive/live without services
beyond the network of direct services of my neighbors.
One is trained for one’s environment from childhood.

The shock is not being able to talk to people
who have none the less become friends of a sort.
Slow, slow: I could get stuck here.
They want to come to America with me
to be rich, or send their children with me.

The shock is the boredom
Days are long.
I had surrey for breakfast
a few noodles at Mah’s
Tô and lots of smoked fish for lunch with Bôh
And a bit of bassi porridge with Moullay’s brother.
I’m hungry.
When I’m eating I think I’m full
but eating is purely functional,
not pleasure,
So its hard to tell when I’m full,
there’s not the incentive of pleasure.
Today I yaala-yaalaed around.
Told everyone hello and good-bye.
Amazing how many people I don’t recognize.

Starvation and disease?
Hunger and illness
Malnutrition and fatigue
chronic not acute
but acute in seriousness
How to help?
No one knows.
Or rather, no one is willing to ask.

Yes, the shock of the pull
Get me out of here quickly
before I get involved in an odd kind of way
without understanding language or culture
but with compassion
friendship
empathy
intuition
and mutual good will
I need to leave right now
or stay forever.